Life & Style never ever fail me. They have topped themselves this week. Seriously, they should submit this to the Whitney Biennial.

For this week’s cover story, Life & Style brought in a few “experts” (aka anybody who answered the phone when they called) to discuss why St. Angie Jo is making 3-year-old Shiloh look like your lesbian junior high school gym teacher who you ran into once at the grocery store when she was with her girlfriend. They are basically calling Shiloh “Chaz Bono Jr.“ because she has a Sandy Duncan haircut and wears polo shirts. Somebody give me a wall to bang my head against.

And the quotes from these experts must have been written by Christopher Guest. Just picture Jennifer Coolidge or Catherine O’Hara saying this mess and it might make it less frustrating and more hilarious (not really):

Alana Kelen, senior fashion stylist at VH1: “Shiloh is pushing the boundaries of a tomboy look and crossing over to cross-dresser territory.”

Gili Rashal-Niv, celebrity stylist: “I get that times are tough but does Angie really need to have Shiloh sharing clothes with her brothers? Hopefully we won’t be seeing Maddox in one of Shiloh’s dresses any time soon.”

Glenn Stanton, director of Family Formation Studies at the conservative organization Focus on the Family: “They need help, they need guidance of what that looks like. It’s important to teach our children that gender distinction is very healthy.”

Karen Deerwester, parenting coach: “Giving preschool-age children the freedom and flexibility to experiment with how they want to be seen in the world is a wonderful gift.“

So Shiloh is a cross-dressing 3-year-old because she likes to wear Bugle Boy jeans? We really need saving. I’m not even close to being a member of the delusional gang called the Brangaloonies, but I doubt St. Angie or Billy Goat Brad forced Shiloh to cut her hair. Kids wear what kids want to wear. Posh & Becks’ boys are always going around in straight-up costumes and nobody is ringing the CPS alarm on them. I mean, when I was her age I wore a kangaroo costume out in public and put barrettes in my curly fro. And I turned out completely norma- Wait, that’s a terrible example. Strike that from the record.